luke 22:42 "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
luke 23:46 "Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands i commit my spirit."
twenty-four hours of prayer...that's how i think of good friday...or, how i had always thought of good friday... growing up in our little church the members signed up for 30-minute prayer shifts to cover 12 a.m. on friday to 12 a.m. on saturday. i watched my dad pass the clipboard on early in the process, initially wondering why until i saw his name on the spots no one else wanted...2:30 a.m., 4:00 a.m. 11:30 p.m....filling in wherever there were holes, making sure someone was always there, praying. i remember when i was finally old enough to take a time of my own...i, of course, took some totally normal time like 2:00 p.m. when it was daylight and it was convenient...i remember walking into the silent church, a building i'd been in thousands of times, alone even on multiple occasions because that's where i went to really play the piano...i passed through the sanctuary and entered the parlor - which incidentally served as my high school sunday school room - and chose a corner of the couch to spend my time. i remember initially having a hard time getting centered, not focusing well and just generally feeling out of touch...but then something changed and i remembered the things i had learned year after year about that very day. it was in those moments i realized exactly why my dad had no problem taking the crappy shifts...why he didn't mind sitting in this room alone...why we make such an effort to make sure the church has someone in it for 24 hours one day a year...and i felt humbled to be a part of it.
trust. humility. sacrifice. He asked that God grant Him mercy...begged for it even. He spent hours in prayer...knowing it was His job to fulfill the prophecy...His job to die a horrific, humilitating death for people who may never know...may never understand the significance. God walking among us...the Holy Spirit here on the earth...to know us...to feel what we feel...to live and love and hurt just as we do...and then to make the greatest sacrifice known to man...i've been a christian my entire life and i still have a hard time wrapping my mind around that. He could have walked...could have said "no"...could have lied when the soldiers said they were looking for Jesus of Nazareth...but He didn't. He carried a cross to the top of the Skull - Calvary - and was crucified - nails driven into his hands and feet, a crown of thorns around his head...for six long hours he hung there and at 3 p.m. he took his final breath, leaving our world and joining His father in heaven, opening the door for each of us who, through His grace, are granted that same opportunity.
i only participated in the prayer vigil a few times...i can't honestly say why, only that i didn't make time for it i suppose. i am always mindful of what day it is...my heart a bit heavier thinking of the sacrifice that was made for me - someone undeserving for sure. i walk past our chapel at the hospital mulitple times a day...i've peeked in a time or two, mostly out of curiosity and on one occasion to investigate the sound of hymns coming from within. i found an older gentleman playing the piano and singing to himself - perhaps one of the most unique and beautiful things i've seen. but, tomorrow i will make a point to go in because getting to church just isn't going to happen...i will go in and find a spot and sit...likely working hard to still my mind long enough to open my heart and allow myself to feel Him...to hear Him. it's something i've been waiting to do...i know that sounds strange because of course i could go in at any time, but i don't and i have no real reason. i have much on my heart right now...but have been reminded that any sacrifice i make in my life is nothing compared to the one made for my life...humbling words for this all-to-human heart.
so...i guess my words for you are these...believer or not...take a few moments tomorrow to just imagine if the words are true...to put yourself at the foot of the cross, witnessing what His mother saw....and give yourself over to Him if only for a second.
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