one man. one man with more stories in his 62 years than i could ever imagine in 100...many of which i wouldn't want to imagine, but still. today we took a man to lunch because he is retiring on friday and he has been a lifesaver to us on many occasions and we just wanted him to know how valuable he is and how very much he will be missed. over the course of an hour we sat and talked and per usual i asked questions...lots and lots of questions of a man who under most circumstances is quiet and unassuming with little to say unless it has to do with work. but today, today he answered all my questions and told us story after story...some of which surprised me, some made me a little sad, some made me wish i had known him much longer, some made me want to know more...and some...some touched me enough that i've thought about little since then and have wanted nothing more than to sit here and share a little of him with you...
he has lived most of his life in and around kansas city, and those he didn't he spent in the military in the early to mid-seventies on some of the more dangerous missions in vietnam and traveling throughout much of the world. from the way it sounded, his life was never easy yet for the most part simple. he spoke of walking the streets at night as a kid - saying he's always been more of a night owl and needing next to no sleep..."in vietnam you maybe got an hour, but that was with one eye open so it didn't really count." he is tough in every way you can imagine, yet carries within him a heart of gold. he spent 21 years as a KCMO cop never taking a partner, always on the toughest streets and never sitting still. he refused to take a promotion to sergeant because he said it was "hard enough keeping myself alive, i don't want to be responsible for 13 others. plus, i wasn't made for paperwork. i liked the movement of the streets." he has been shot five times, stabbed four and beaten up more times than he can count. "twice i spent time in the ICU...the last time i got shot was the worst - going after a man robbing a payday loan store. he snuck around on me - and, you know, i was all alone so when he shot me in the back (the bullet missed his heart by a quarter of an inch), i was left to die. thank goodness it was winter so my blood didn't drain so quickly as i was lying in the cold snow waiting for them to come get me." father of ten, the first born when he was only 15 - the only question i never asked was how many wives...he only mentioned one, but that was during the time he was working undercover as a member of a hippie commune here in KC "i had to be real when i was there. you couldn't fake it...i had the long hair and we lived in the park and in this old house someone found. there were drugs and sex and everything else you can imagine...and i couldn't fake it." he lived in that commune for over two years only going home to see his wife and kids once a month...i'm not surprised that marriage didn't stand the test of time. the man works harder than anyone i know. his body is full of metal and at one point was told he would never walk again...after a year in a wheelchair and a will to live his life, his way, he proved them wrong. we asked him how he gets around so well, how he does everthing he does (he is responsible for setting up every single meeting and event in the hospital as well as moving anything and everything - often single-handedly) and his response was that he likes to keep moving...that he does hurt, that when he gets home he lays in his recliner with the heating pad all evening and sometimes can barely stand up straight for a couple days. he credits his time in the military for his innate ability to push the pain aside, stating that in that time he learned to put it out of his mind and focus on other things - something which has served him well in all the years since. he has no problem admitting he lives alone, that it's just him...says it has given him the flexibility to be available anytime he's been needed at work...."most of the other guys are married so they don't have that." he doesn't really see much of his children...for reasons we didn't get into. his life of late is simple...an apartment close to work...he travels to visit friends and sometimes to see the lights and shows in vegas...he wakes naturally at 3:30 a.m. and spends time drinking coffee, watching the news and caring for a little stray cat who seems to have found a home with him. often while he was talking he got a faraway look in his eyes...almost like he found himself back within whatever story he was telling us. on occasion he became wistful...his eyes looking away as he paused to find the right words. and, once or twice, he grinned...the same eyes shining a little brighter as he recalled something funny....mostly about how he feels he's cheated death enough, that he's like a cat who has likely used up his nine lives and he better not push his luck because "luck does run out." he hopes that he has seen the worst of his life already, that it is smooth sailing ahead of him. i pray he is right. gentle and kind, helpful beyond measure and gracious on top of it all...he is quick with a thank you and expects little from anyone, showing clear surprise when something thoughtful is done for him. his is a story full of life...he has met and protected every president from ford through clinton, had many a movie star do ride-alongs in his police car...he's faced death on more than one occasion and fought hard for his place in the world...he has loved and lost and given much to many...and while he is closing one chapter he is looking forward to another where he can do as he pleases. i asked him if there was anything he still wants to do, anywhere he still wants to go...he easily said "no, not really. maybe i would like to see russia, but i've been everywhere else."
i took much from this conversation and am thankful for the short amount of time i've gotten to know him. i truly hope there is nothing ahead of him but good. he's no saint, but what of that? he has lived...for 62 years he has lived with everything he has...given more than was asked in many situations and likely dealing with his own demons over the instances where he hasn't. i walked away from lunch looking at my life...how small and insignificant it is...wondering just what i've done with my 35, soon to be 36, years...and coming up with little in the way of answers. i feel my heart being pulled lately...i'm not sure how else to describe it. as always there are things i want for my life, but mostly for it to mean something...to matter to someone....i'm always afraid i'm missing something, that if i don't hurry i will miss out on something and my one chance (at whatever) will be over. i have no idea what makes me think this way, but i do. it's like time is mocking me and out of inability to focus on what really matters i sit still and do nothing or waste time worrying about stuff or people who don't. so...once again...life is short. live it. tell people what they mean to you, even if you risk not hearing the same in return. give...give more than you think you can, more than you have and ask for nothing in return. open yourself up even when it hurts, even when it's scary. surround yourself with people who make you happy, who help you be the best you can be. and...love....openly, honestly and without reservation or hesitation.
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