make your mark. have your say.
record your thoughts and feelings:
reflect on the important things in your life.
it will grow into a valued collection of your unique viewpoint.
when the time is right, give it to your children.
they will cherish it.
-from Now Is the Time...170 Ways to Seize the Moment
i think it's safe to say that i leave my mark...be it a blessing or a curse, but if i am anything i think i am memorable. as for what, i'm not so sure...but, i like to think it's a good thing.
i reflect...i think...all. the. time. i think that's part of why i have a hard time focusing sometimes...maybe it's my own version of ADD. whatever. it's exhausting and frustrating at times, but i seem to be wired that way so i try and work with it.
here's the thing...i'm actually pretty simple. some of the things that are important in my life... people...relationships...memories and moments...books, journals, beautiful stationary, finding the perfect pen...the way the sun lights the edges of big huge clouds and makes them glow...watching my little girl figure out how to do something incredible on the ice or hearing her say "way to go mom!" when i've actually done something right...my dad's blue eyes...the way i feel whole when my sisters stand next to me...my mom teaching me how to make her potato soup after never knowing if we would do anything like that again...the way i feel when i pull off a really great event and see how happy everyone is when they are there...hearing jim brickman playing on the stereo in the other room...charlie's trusting brown eyes and soft ears...the way colin says my name...knowing charlotte was healthy...the first time i held joel...the way i feel a little stronger when i wear gran's silver ring...knowing i can take care of m and i...writing something and seeing it in print...sharing a simple moment with a stranger and knowing i will never forget it...knowing people are praying for me even without asking...the excitement of going someplace new and the comfort of returning home...climbing into a freshly made bed with nice, clean sheets...a great cup of coffee...having someone thoughtful enough to make breakfast for me...a hand to hold...a really good hug...my mismatched pieces of lu-ray dishes and my china with the daisies...pictures that remind me of moments i will always treasure...and the dream of what else my life may hold. okay, i realize most of those aren't things but rather feelings or moments or events...but they have all left an impression, each a part of who i am and what makes me unique.
and...some of the randomness that is taking up residency in my brain at this moment:
this week is overwhelming to say the least. i'm so afraid of what i'm forgetting, what i won't accomplish. i have a huge event on saturday that needs to be perfect nevermind eight company meetings and a mess of other stuff.
i see a surgeon tomorrow...honestly, i'm praying for the ability to trust whatever he says. i know i can't change the outcome...i can't change what is going on in my body...but, i want to trust him and not continue to dwell on "what if?" yes, i'm scared...i wish i wasn't, but i am. there is no one to help me make a decision if he gives me options. i believe i'm okay...but, something changed when i felt that lump...like a piece of my security was instantly ripped away... i've always thought i was fairly mindful of time and the importance of making moments count...but, that is all amplified now...especially when it comes to m.
i still love my little bow on my wrist. more now, actually.
third graders think being double jointed is hilarious. i think m is hilarious when she tells me about her two friends who are.
sincerity and kindness. we need more of both. in the end, who gives a shit (sorry, but it fit) about who was right about almost anything? but, we remember those who treated us with sincere kindness...who always made us a priority and put their needs aside to make sure we knew we mattered.
exercise. just do it. you will feel better. right...i should do that. but, it's cold and that makes me want to hibernate. those muscles won't tighten themselves. damn it.
i can't wait to see the girls friday night! there is never enough time for everything we need to talk about, but at least it's something.
i actually said it the other day...i said "i'm a writer" to a photographer who shoots things for us at the hospital when we were talking about an article he had tried to write. he said something about how he should run it by me if he ever does that again because he's not a writer and since i'm in marketing i could probably help...and then it just kind of spilled out..."i'm a writer. i mean, it's only a blog. but i write." and i didn't take it back.
"fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."
- william wordsworth
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