life's perfect moments...sometimes they startle us, never happening when we expect or want them to...rather, sweeping in silently catching us off guard so as to make us appreciate them all the more. something so simple as a cup of coffee prepared for me by somene who doesn't even drink it but knows how much i love it....or, a child, sleeping on your chest giggling in their sleep...or, often for me, a glance - a simple look shared between two people that says way more than any sentence ("i didn't say anything." "no, you didn't have to...")...
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i miss letters. few people write them anymore, but my gran always did. hand-written, usually very simple with stories about our family or the basics of her day. she hated her hand-writing, but i loved it...mostly because in it i saw how much she loved me in those words...she took the time to sit down and write something special just for me. i should write more letters.
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i have a mental list of things i have to get done in the next couple days...stupid stuff i've put off for too long. procrastination. it's an art. if they awarded degrees in it i would have my ph.d! you would think i'd learn by now not to do this to myself, but clearly i'm a bit slow. people say it helps to make a list. here's a little idea of what's on mine:
get car inspected/oil changed (damn it! my stupid back light is still out! eff...)
suffer through the dmv before the end of the month (don't even bother telling me that i shouldn't have put this off - i already know and am beating myself up enough about it)
pay bills
order christmas cards
buy stamps
order new checks
sign m's notebook before we leave this morning
get gas
make my christmas shopping list (you know, in an effort to actually use it!)
buy a christmas tree/lights (don't even get me started on the emotional baggage i'm fighting for some reason this year regarding the holidays - i'm determined to fight through whatever personal lonliness/drama i'm feeling to create a great christmas for m)
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on thanksgiving i had dinner with my extra family...people i love so much...and, they asked me to pray before we ate. see, in my family, sarah is the one who is always asked to pray - not me. i haven't prayed out loud, publicly in a while. i used to do more of it a few years ago when i was more involved in church, but since i've basically been a bystander when it comes to my religious life of late, i haven't been doing much of that. it felt good...and i asked them (ok, i gave them no choice what so ever) to each say something they were thankful for as we prayed...there is something special about hearing the words of others on a day like thanksgiving - to know what is in their heart and to take a couple moments to focus on those things rather than on the chaos of whatever else is going on.
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i bought a book yesterday called "Now Is the Time"...here is what i just read:
now is the time...to enjoy the day
make the most of every day.
use up the hours like a child.
there are no guarantees how many we get.
older people will tell you:
they rarely regret the things they did,
only the things they didn't do.
don't spend your life intending to do something.
start now!
"and in the end, it's not the years in your life that count it's the life in your years."
- abraham lincoln
i think my favorite line is "use up the hours like a child" - a child doesn't wait for life to find them. they create life in each moment. they live fully every second they're awake, expecting nothing but the best from everything; not knowing that something less than perfect could happen. i think back to summers as a kid...when we stretched the day as long as we possibly could. time didn't matter. the only disappointment was not having enough time to do everything we wanted. i want to see that kind of potential in each day.
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and, now i'm really thankful for a great cup of coffee!
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