11.27.2012...

i hate how life jades us, how it makes us afraid to give of ourselves completely because with each loss we leave a piece of our heart, our soul behind.  i hate that loving someone becomes so hard, so complicated because the purity of the concept has been robbed from us by those who have hurt us.  i hate that each time we try to step forward we run into a wall of fear and insecurity so high we can't imagine climbing over it so we turn around and go the other way.  i hate that if we aren't stuck dealing with our own fears and insecurities when it comes to relationships we instead must take on those of the one we potentially love...a worse fate because we have zero control over another and much less over those terrible demons they fight. 

i love that i am still able to see the good in others...that somehow after losing pieces of myself i've been able to recreate new, better ones to fill those holes.  i love that i can look into another's eyes and see into the depths of their soul and know instantly if they are what my soul has been looking for.  i love that when i hold someone's hand i can tell within seconds if the fit is good enough to last. 

there are those who are worth it.  worth taking a chance.  worth letting go of whatever scares you. worth setting aside your past and taking down your walls.


"you are a piece of the puzzle of someone else's life.  you may never know where you fit, but others will fill the holes in their lives with pieces of you."
- bonnie arbon  

likewise others are pieces of the puzzle that is your life.  each fitting together in ways that may take a little extra time to see, sometimes requiring a little different perspective, but with a little patience we figure out how to place them so each one fits.  smooth edges are placed next to jagged ones that become seamless with time.  i used to think it was me who needed to figure out whose puzzle i fit into, then a very good friend told me to stop thinking that way...that what i needed to do was look for the one person who was the final piece to my puzzle, the one who made my puzzle exactly what i wanted it to be.  perhaps the best advice i've been given...