9.11...

note i put no "13" on the title...i feel it goes without saying that the year matters none.

there's no question i remember exactly where i was that day, no question i remember exactly what i was doing and no question i remember exactly how i felt that day and during the days that followed.  i hated knowing that living here, so far away from everything that was happening, i couldn't make much of a difference.  watching those images over and over again, i couldn't help but think about the lives lost and the families they left behind.  each life valuable in its own way, all ordinary by typical standards yet made heroic at the hands of cowards on a beautiful, sunny september day.

i remember questioning every aspect of my life, feeling so insignificant and like every decision i had made up to that point was potentially wrong.  it took me a long time to get past that part, and i'm not really sure why.  i guess it has something to do with wondering if my existence really mattered at all given how quickly it can all change combined with the fact i knew i had done little up to that point to make a difference or give something back.

a couple years later i had a little girl and the value of my life changed.  i became someone to her, if never to anyone else.  suddenly i knew that if something ever happened to me, there was at least one person whose life would be forever impacted...and, more so, that whatever i do with my life - then, now and in the future - will be an example to her.  while i may never again be someone's wife, i am forever her mom.  while i may never do anything to change the world, i make a difference in her world every single day.  while i can't influence many, i have the opportunity to guide and direct her when she asks for it and even more with my actions.  if i never do anything else, i want her to know the value of her life...to know she has the power within her to lead others...to believe in herself when others don't...and to take the gifts she's been given and go into the world with an open heart and trust she can make a difference to someone.

it's vital that we never forget...what happened that day 12 years ago...the lives that were lost and the lives that were forever changed...and, maybe most of all, that fate takes place of all plans and expectations...that we never know what the next moment holds and we have the ability to be something to someone even if it's not heroic by most standards.