9.10.2013...

generosity.  to give.  freely.  of one's time, talents, money...of one's spirit, heart, soul.  over the past few weeks i've seen generosity pour from people in ways i never could have imagined.  lives changed through the kindness of strangers giving whatever they can for people they likely will never meet.  sometimes it's groceries, other times it's diapers, on many occasions it's money and often it's time and labor making an old building a home for a family to live in while they figure out how to provide for their children and get back on their feet.

i have always said we each have a story.  this is even more evident to me now.  some are painful to see, difficult to hear with chapters so badly written they almost need to be torn out.  we each walk a fine line...the line between a simple, "normal" life and a drama-filled, messy disaster.  yes, some are a little farther away on either side of that line than others, but at various points in our lives we teeter dangerously close to the breaking point - whatever that may look like to us.  i'm often amazed by people who seem to always have it together; whose lives are always in tact and never seem to be falling apart - that's definitely not me, and i'm guessing it's not really them either but they are just better at hiding the junk...or living in the land of denial.  it's said we will not be given more than we can handle.  yet, when i look at some people i am left wondering exactly how that makes sense.  i get the idea of having faith - i have lots of it...i get the idea of trusting that He will provide - i've seen it happen...but what i don't get, no matter how much i believe or how much i trust, is why some are left to carry such heavy burdens while others have so little.  yes, i get that we all make our own choices, that we each have some say in how our lives end up...but, how then do we justify the lives that are plagued with difficulty, most of which is truly out of our control - health problems, the loss of loved ones, difficulty finding good jobs, constant car trouble?  where did they go wrong?  especially when i know their faith, their trust is more than many i know who have much easier lives.  i know, i know...who am i to discern the ease of someone's life?  it's really not my place, but i just call it like i see it and until someone shows me otherwise i'm gonna go with what i see.  i just have a hard time believing that some of us are just meant to have such rough lives.

maybe that's where the rest of us come in...where the idea of generosity comes in...we are His hands and feet...His strength when others are too weak on their own.  but, again, i struggle with this more often than not.

sunday during worship, we sang two songs with powerful words that hit me so hard i had to pull out my little ragged notebook and write them down...

"majesty"
your grace has found me right where i am
i am empty but alive in your hands

and

"beautiful things"
you make beautiful things
you make beautiful things
out of dust
you make beautiful things
you make beautiful things
out of us

we are taught to extend grace...to give it...and, often the more difficult task - to receive it.  we are met right where we are...not where we try to be, not where we think we should be...but, right where we are.  empty but alive in your hands...this line makes me think of our Hillcrest families...much of the time they come to us just like that - empty, with nothing...yet they are there, alive, willing to trust us (to trust Him) to help fill them up again.
i love the idea that He makes us...He can make me...even when i'm so much less than He wants me to be, even when i fail miserably, even when i'm ugly and selfish and unkind...He can make something beautiful out of me.
i pray all the time to see others as He sees them...and to not waste this life because up to this point, i've had it good...i've been one of the lucky ones - sure i've had my moments, never is life perfect all the time; but overall mine has been a piece of cake compared to others and i feel it's my responsibility...my opportunity...to do something more with what i've been given.  give more than you have, love with all you are, expect nothing in return and give grace even when it's hard.