i see the world from the outside in. rarely am i 100 percent in the moment because i'm also completely in tune with whatever else is going on around me. i always used to think i just liked to people watch, but it's so much more than that. i love watching people, mostly when i think they can't see me (or are so wrapped up in whatever else they are involved in)...i love seeing their expressions, especially their eyes. generally, you only get a few moments to take someone in...to become a part of their story, or to imagine what their story could be as is most often the case.
i work in a hospital. i pass through the patient registration area more than once a day. as i move throughout the lobby i weave around people who are there for various reasons, many of which are less than pleasant. i am drawn often to one person or another and at the time have absolutely no idea why. today it was an elderly gentleman seated alone on a bench in an area i've not previously noticed anyone before. he sat in the breezeway between the outside entrance to the main part of the hospital and the interior doorway that leads into the lobby. it was dim and a bit dark in that stretch of space and he looked like he wanted to be alone in his thoughts...yet he had chosen a very busy place to do so. in the few seconds i watched him, a handful of people passed him by; none stopping, none noticing him...each with their own agenda, their own burdens and concerns. yet, there he was...elbows on his knees, forehead resting on his folded hands, eyes closed...in prayer? in thought? in pain? i have no idea. he didn't look at peace, but more so as if he had a heavy heart. and i wanted more than anything to go to him and ask if he was okay....but, i didn't. out of respect for his privacy...out of fear that i would offend him...i let him be. the thing is, i have no idea what he was doing there today. it could have been nothing, but it could have been any number of things and that's where my mind goes in instances like that...with him i couldn't help but wonder if he was there to see his wife of many years; that in those few seconds he was either praying for comfort, or healing, or an answer...or, he was looking back on a lifetime of memories that had quickly been wrapped up in one breath. to many of you that may sound a bit dramatic, and maybe it is, but when i look at someone i see the things many others do not. of course, with this gentleman, it was my imagination...my story, my interpretation of a few seconds watching someone i do not and will never know. it was my take on a situation and that is all it was. but, what i think is so absolutely amazing is that we live among each other; passing by, often brushing against one another and never stop to ask the what's and the why's and the how's that make up our individual (yet totally entwined) lives.
we are busy. we don't want to intrude. we are told that it's rude to ask. yet, even with those we are closest to, we rarely take the time to really ask anything more than the general "how are you?" that we all answer the exact same way. we settle with "fine" and move on so as to not be forced to become more involved in something we don't have the time for. instead, we focus our attention elsewhere - anywhere other than on those right in front of us it seems, always distracted and often somewhere else than in the moment with the people we are supposed to be most invested in.
i can't tell you what i see when i look into someone's eyes. with each person it's different, but there is almost always one universal truth...the need to be seen, the desire to be heard, the hope that someone will take the time to know us for who we are and not just the picture we project on the surface. i tend to forget that while i'm busy watching others, chances are good someone is doing the same with me...i wonder what they see when they think i'm not looking, what they see when they look in my eyes, what story the imagine for me as they are looking from the outside in on my life....
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