12.7.2012...

my little blog just hit 5,500 page views!!    i realize that to many of you that may not sound like a lot, but to me it's huge!  there is nothing like knowing people are reading the words you write...and, then, hearing from those people that what you write means something to them; touches them in some way...it's a pretty amazing feeling and is a large part of why i do this. so, thank you for reading my words...for telling me that what i write matters...for taking the time to know my heart and for allowing me to fit somewhere in your life.

"fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."
- william wordsworth

i love notebooks.  i'm obsessed with them, have them everywhere each with something written in them.  i have two favorites though...a beautiful black leather one given me by a dear friend who appreciates my love of paper and pens.  this one i carry with me all the time just in case i need to write something down and thus part of the reason i must carry a big bag...it's oddly comforting to know that if/when i need it, it's there.  often it gets used when i'm in church or at work...on its pages are quotes and scriptures, the beginnings of blog posts that i needed to put on paper before i forgot them and a few lists.  the other is a small, well-worn pretty little notebook that i got this time four years ago...it has traveled with me, seen me through my divorce and when my mom was sick...it holds poems and quotes, song lyrics and dreams...much of my heart resides on those pages.  both of them are like old friends, each full of words that were exactly what i needed them to be in the moments i wrote them down.  i turn to them when i need strength, when i need comfort...when i need reminding.

oh...i saw God yesterday...or, rather, i felt Him twice...wednesday night had been kinda rough (for reasons that do not matter) and yesterday morning was no better, but i woke to find an email from a dear friend that said this:

"today may there be peace within.  may you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.  may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.  may you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you.  may you be content with yourself just the way you are.  let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.  it is there for each and every one of us" - wanted to let you know you matter...to sooo many.  you touch so many lives.  you make a difference.  you are loved and perfect just as you are.  please be kind to yourself.

she knew nothing of what was going on yet she sent this anyway.  it was a God thing. His arms, His words reaching out to me through her when i needed them.

and then, later in the day, another surprise...in the form of chocolate...reminded me that i haven't been forgotten...that i'm missed and thought of.  the timing was perfect...God's timing i have no doubt.  

i write to learn about...to understand...myself and the world around me.  it makes me think, makes me take a good look at my life and the people and things i surround myself with.  when i write i try very hard to be completely honest and not to simply show the things i most often want others to see.  i would love to say that's easy, but it's not.  it would be way easier to write only the pretty moments...to paint a picture with no darkness, no brokenness or rough edges...but, that's not real and it's boring and while i'm about as peppy and spirited as they come...all of those less than desirable things live within me too.  so, i guess, when i write my story...when i share this life, my hope is...you see God...working through me, living in me.