how's that saying go? "beginnings are usually scary. endings are usually sad. but, it's the stuff in the middle that really matters." or, something like that. you get the idea. i spent today trying hard to make it seem like any other thursday, like it wasn't my next to last day, pretending that each "normal" thing i do everyday would continue to happen...but, none of that was true. and, in all honesty, most of today i felt almost lost...kind of in a bubble, not entirely sure what to do with myself yet trying hard to absorb everything around me.
these past two weeks have gone quickly. i've tried to leave with things as "done" as possible, but even that is hard. i have a hard time walking away from anything - even for a great opportunity. it's hard for me to step back and watch others do something i've done for so long. i had my last ribbon cutting, my last after hours, my last ambassador meeting...i've heard from people i never would have imagined; kind people who have taken time to not only wish me well, but to also genuinely remind me of just how much i've meant to our organization and how much i will be missed. encouraging certainly, humbling for sure. it is in these moments i realize how many people i've met in my seven years at the chamber...how many people i've talked to, worked with, and perhaps given something good to. it's also in these moments that i realize what an impact one person can make and how that in and of itself is a gift; one not to be taken for granted because with it comes great trust and the belief you not only matter but that people see you as maybe more than you see yourself. it's funny, i can remember either the first time i met many of these people or something unique about each one of them...an interraction or a moment that likely no one else noticed because in all reality it wasn't that consequential yet stood out to me. that's just how my mind works.
tomorrow will be the last time i walk in and say "it's just me" or sit across the desk from gayle as i drink my coffee and we share stories from the night before...i won't sit on laura's desk and share ridiculous dating drama... no, i will pack my office - something i just haven't been able to do yet - and go to my last fall festival meeting...then spend a couple hours with some of my best friends eating a few of my favorite things while hopefully laughing more than i cry. i feel kinda like it's a series finale to a beloved show...you know the scene...the girl stands at the door, and as she looks back her mind is flooded with a million memories while some sappy song covers the diologue...and, as she walks out the door for the last time she smiles because she is so thankful for all of those incredible memories because they are part of what got her here...at the doorstep of her next adventure.
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