love fearlessly...

confession:  i pray in the shower.  not that it's the only time i pray, but i do pray there...it is one of the few places i'm alone long enough to focus and think straight without falling asleep.  plus, it's a decent way to start my day.  anyway, i think i've mentioned before that God talks to me from time to time...it's not a loud, booming voice or anything; just a regular voice that seems to stand out above whatever else is going on around me at the time.  this morning i was asking for direction, to try and refocus some things in my life and to stop dwelling on things that don't matter - fairly typical topics of conversation between He and i...but, today this is what i heard:

love fearlessly without hesitation or reservation...be open to each new thing as it comes and seek to understand the people around you...give grace freely with no exceptions and accept others as they are with their imperfections.

easy enough, right?  well...not really if you think about it.  i mean, it's hard to open yourself up like that.  to set yourself aside and somehow ignore your fears, your insecurities and simply give love, grace, acceptance...freely, with no exceptions...a word i keep confusing with "expectations" each time i read this.  i'm not sure what that means.  am i supposed to do all of this without having any expectations?  am i supposed to be that selfless as to ignore my needs and truly focus on the people around me right now?  perhaps.  that alone is a test to my humanity.  i'm no different than anyone else.  i have my moments of selfishness and jealousy - neither of which i am proud of, but it's the truth.  but, i also fully believe that God surrounds us with the people we need at the times we need them...that they are His humanity, expressing His love, His strength, His courage, His forgiveness, and His completeness in the moments we most need them.  so, i suppose that, in turn, He uses me in those same ways...that i am those things for someone else...His arms and His words when others need more than what i alone can give.  or, at least, i hope so.

"love is all there is...when you take your last breath you remember the people you love, how much love you inspired, and how much love you gave"
-lillie love