Monday, May 14, 2012

5.14.2012...

i just read an article about a man in utah who has ALS.  he has a one year old daughter, and while his body is being attacked by a horrible disease, he is taking every ounce of life he still has and creating memories with her...in person and via video for her to watch after he's gone.  he is sharing every bit of himself so that she will know him - his thoughts, his dreams, his hopes for her, his memories, and his advice.  while the entire article left a lasting impression on me for sure; the one thing that left the biggest impact on me was this:

"happiness is a choice"

he couldn't be more right.  sometimes life absolutely sucks, there is no denying that.  moments bring us to our knees, knock the wind out of us, and sometimes even break us down to our very core...but, after it's all said and done...after the waves of emotion subside...once we pick the pieces up and rebuild, recreate, our life...we have a choice.  we can let those moments destroy us, take away who we truly are, or we can choose to be happy right where we are; finding peace in the very moment we are given.  maybe that's what it all comes down to...the reality that we are each only given so much life...only so many days to...live...so many moments to love and give and experience everything, everyone, around us.

don't get me wrong.  i get into a funk sometimes...more often than i'd like to admit the older i get it seems, but i'm trying.  i'm trying so hard to make a conscious choice to be happy, to see every bit of goodness around me.  to clear out the junk in my mind and make room for each blessing placed in front of me.  it's not easy, i'll tell you that much.  some days it's way easier to see only the sadness, to be overwhelmed by the disappointment, to get stuck in the moments of my past where i was certain i was happiest....mostly because, following those moments, i was hurt and it's so much easier to focus on, to get bogged down by, those incidences that were painful.  why is that?  i mean, why are we programmed to feel the pain so much more deeply than the joy?  or, at least, that's how it seems anyway.

i was having a conversation this weekend about this very topic and i think i actually said something along the lines of "...when you're ready, when you're done feeling like this...you have to just choose to feel better, you have to choose to be happy."  soooooo much easier said than done, but i do believe it.  i'm not saying to ignore grief, or to put your emotions aside and pretend that everything is great when it honestly isn't.  but, i do think there comes a time when you have to just be done with it, and make a choice - most likely an initially uncomfortable choice because you've spent so long feeling bad that it's actually hard to feel anything other than miserable - but make an honest choice to live your life, to see the goodness around you, and to participate in all of it.

so, today, i choose to be happy.  to not waste a moment.  to see the bigger picture, and love all the details.  to tell people i love what they mean to me, to hug tighter, and laugh longer...to take time to actually see my life and know my role in it impacts others...so, i had better make an effort to leave something good behind.

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