the dog ate my glasses last week. ate. them. new ones are ordered and will (fingers crossed) be in by the end of this week. in case you're wondering, the dog is still alive and no i didn't flip out completely...i maybe cried a little instead of totally losing it and then finished getting ready for work.
i keep checking cookbooks out at the library and shamelessly reading them, pouring over amazing pictures and recipes i'm fairly certain i could master if i actually tried. i'm most drawn to anything passing for breakfast or brunch...but, then i close them and set them aside...reminding myself of two things...one, i don't really cook; and two, i hate cooking for just m and i. maybe i will try one recipe...it's a start, right?
morgan asked me yesterday to help her "sew" a dress for lanie - her american girl doll. coming from a long line of seamstresses, i'm embarrassed to admit that i don't (can't, haven't really ever tried) sew. BUT, morgan had a little faith in me and we did it! it's not pretty, nor does it stand a chance of withstanding more than VERY gentle care (mostly because i'm fairly certain the seams would tear or fall out)...but, she believed i could do it and i wanted nothing less than to let her down...so, we did it! complete with a button and everything!
i realized the other night that when she sleeps, morgan looks like she did when she was little...her long fingers move in the same ways, stretching and reaching - for what i'm not sure...her thick eyelashes rest on little puffy cheeks and her tiny pink lips still look like a rose...in those moments, i almost forget that she's eight...am suddenly taken back to moments in the middle of the night when the rest of the world was sleeping and it was just she and i getting know each other. lord, i miss those moments sometimes...don't get me wrong, i love her now, love the conversations we get to have, love watching her learn, love seeing her grow into the little person she is today...but, there are things about them when they're little that can't be replaced and when i see her sleeping, and am hit with the harsh reality that time is passing us by faster than i wish...i get a little sad and long for her to fit in my arms again.
i unfriended him...a week ago. and then got a text today acknowledging that we were no longer "friends" and wishing me the best. i could tell from the undertone he was not only surprised by this, but also less than happy. i haven't responded. there's nothing to say. it feels good to let go, to no longer need him or, better yet, to no longer want him to be a part of our lives in any way. perhaps my only response would be "you made the choice to remove us from your life...i'm simply finishing it for us"...but, that's not me so i will leave it alone....thankful for the honest peace i finally feel about it.
it's almost carter's birthday...he would have been six.
hope. this word has been at the front of my mind, weighing on my heart. why? honestly, i'm not entirely sure. there is a scripture that says we are patient for what we hope for....that we will wait patiently for whatever it is we hope for. interestingly true once i really thought about it. i'm not very patient as a general rule...anxious and somewhat controling (as someone dear to me recently pointed out...i need to relax and just be, stop trying to control everything so much) assuming that if i stay in control i somehow won't be caught off guard or hurt....right, well, we all know that doesn't really work. but, i realized that i am patient for that which i hope for...things i still believe i have a shot at...patient with people i hope to build relationships with...quick to offer forgiveness and generosity in these situations, with these people. what i'm wondering is...should we be so quick to offer patience for things we only hang hope on? would our patience be better spent on the life, the people, we already have surrounding us? i don't know. i'm all for the idea of hope, all for the idea of having something to wish for...but, what about the reality we already have...would it be better to focus more on that? again, i'm not sure...just something i've thought about lately.
there they are...random monday thoughts...nothing special...nothing important, just life. someone asked me if i'd ever thought of blogging something everyday...i've thought about it, but never done it. for two reasons. one, i don't always have something i either want to share, or think is worth putting into words. and, two, i don't think anyone would really want to read something i wrote that often. but, since i was asked...i'm thinking about it. thoughts?
You have so much fun in your life, you could totally blog everyday. I check my google reader every day for your update, so...you have one dilligent reader! Love the randomness of this post...that's what mine are usually. You are swell, Faith!
ReplyDeleteI would read it every day :) for sure.
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