a couple came in this morning...retired,looking to move to the area...something i see all the time. but, these two were special...charming and sweet, quiet, patient...they had a gentle contentment about them. he called her his girlfriend...his bride...clearly still very much in love after many years, eight children, 20 grandchildren, and 21 great-grandchildren...something you rarely see these days it seems. she was happy to let him do most of the talking, not submissive really, just...trusting that he would take care of things.. she shyly shook her head and smiled as he spoke proudly of her career as a P.E. teacher and bragging of her days as a runner. there was a genuine respect between them...they know their place with each other, within their marriage...something that has come over time i suspect. it was easy to see they truly value each other and have learned how to care for not only their family, but for the profound role they together play at the head of their family.
i was touched, inspired perhaps, by these two strangers who in a matter of ten minutes practically had me signed up to be a ninth child just so i could enjoy their obvious joy a little bit longer and hopefully gain a little insight into the workings of a "happy" family. okay, okay....i know, i know...no one's marriage, no one's family is happy all the time - it's just not possible, but there are certainly some that are more so than others and i am constantly trying to figure out the secret.
see, i want that, have always wanted that...and after one failed marriage (please excuse the word "failed", but let's be honest, there really is no other word for it), i am more than a little gun-shy...okay, i'm terrified of that happening again. does that stop me from hoping for it? no. does it stop me from wondering if i will ever find it? no. what it does do is make me very aware of what does and doesn't work - for me anyway - in relationships. i've found that with dating comes the same basic set of questions..."what are you looking for?" and the ever-popular "what are your deal breakers?", certain to be followed up by "what are you willing to compromise on?" yes, we all have our own answers to these questions and each are valid but i'm not a fan of them. do they really give us insight? do they really help us see more than the surface of someone? truth is, you can't really know someone - and consequently if you're compatible with them - until you spend time with them. and, as we get older, as we try on different people and learn more about ourselves, we realize that our answers change and evolve based upon where we are at that point in our life. for example, i am very aware of how someone i'm interested in treats others...and ultimately how he treats my daughter - that is always the deal maker or deal breaker. she is my final test, my personal guage. i know what i will give, what i won't take, how i want to be treated, what i'm willing to compromise on, and what i absolutely won't do at this point...and most of it centers around the type of woman i want to be for my daughter...the example i want to set for her, the life i want for her.
so, how do we find that? what is the secret? especially after broken hearts, lost trust, insurmountable insecurities...our own five-piece set of Samsonite that we each carry with us into any relationship at this point... is it possible? i fear falling into the same type of relationship that i know doesn't work, on accident of course, but because we automatically gravitate towards what feels familiar even if we can't recognize it at the time. i don't feel broken anymore. i feel whole and happy and like i finally have something good to give. but...i also know i'm guarded, extremely protective of that wholeness, that happiness that i've fought so hard for because i am terrified of feeling like i did with last year's break-up and my divorce before that. i'm not sure what the answer is, or where the secret lies...perhaps it's different for each of us...or, so very simple that we overlook it or make it harder than it needs to be. either way, i'm certain that kind of love is possible...i've seen it, and i want it....not just for me, but to show m that kind of love...unconditional, unbroken, open, accepting...to set that example for her.
No comments:
Post a Comment