colin james...

"i think we should name him colin matthew, " four year old morgan said when becca asked her what she thought we (because this, of course was a WE decision) thought the coming baby's name should be.

that moment was a few months earlier...september maybe...we were in our old back yard, playing on the swingset, and i remember it like it was yesterday.  becca and i looked at each other and said something to the effect of "not bad...that might just work..." and a few months later, colin james (after your daddy) was born!

close, morgan, so close.

you came at the end of a long, cold day.  we had waited and waited for you...your parents wanted privacy and no matter how hard it was for all of us (or how much grief we gave them about it later) we gave it to them.  you came as a surprise to everyone, not planned, yet loved more than you can imagine.  you were quiet and calm...the perfect baby...you stole our hearts instantly and gave us the boy we had been longing for since carter.  you won't remember this, but we were living together at the time...you, your mommy, your daddy, morgan, and i...in a house that, while kinda tight, was home for all of us at a time when we needed it.  i wouldn't trade that year and a half with you for anything!  you are much more than a nephew to me, much more than a cousin to morgan...perhaps the closest thing to a sibling she will ever have.  she is fiercely protective of you, had the ability to get you to do things no one else could, wanted nothing more than to hold you that first night in her little dance outfit, and loved you beyond measure the first time your eyes met. 

you are an incredible little boy!  full of life, yet gentle and kind, curious and inquisitive, funny and sweet...the best mix of traits for any little boy to have.  you have been such a blessing to us all these past three years...patched holes and mended hearts in ways you will never know.  you came at a time when we all needed you, even if we didn't know why at the time.  your mommy and daddy have taken you to art museums, on photo shoots and road trips...you are one of the most well-rounded little guys around!  you prefer Thai over your mom's amazing cupcakes and you have the best little laugh.  i dread the day you call her "morgan" rather than "morgie" and love that, to you, i'm "fe".  i pray we will always be close even though my days of being able to hold you are numbered.

happy third birthday, colin james!  i love you so very much!