i lost a friend a week and a half ago. and i'm watching one of my best friends go through the grief of losing someone she loves very much. his name is chris - i say "is" because whenever someone dies i have a very hard time talking about them in the past tense, especially when i truly can't believe they are gone - chris...or, peter christopher bohler as he has been mentioned on the news, was serving with the army in afghanistan when his black hawk helicopter crashed. i met him about a year and a half ago when k and i were out and he was in kc with a group of his army buddies from ft. riley. chris and k hit it off immediately and he quickly became a bigger part of her life than i know she wanted to admit. a gentle soul, quiet and unassuming, quick-witted and funny...his deep eyes took everything in and his wide smile made everyone want to be his friend. always a gentleman, he had the ability to make everyone around him feel at ease. he went along with our shenanigans and was always willing to do whatever it would take to make k smile. he loved her and accepted everything about her completely - something many of us never know.
there is an internal reflection that comes when we lose someone. the fragility of life is suddenly a reality and for many of us, we are faced with the need to look within our own lives searching for anything that makes sense and grasping on to those who make our life worth living. i am no different. for the past week and a half since hearing k's voice on the other end of the line, i've spent a lot of time looking at my life and trying to make sense of where i am and what i want from here on out. we only get so many days and it's up to us to make them count. i've always said it's important to tell those we care about how we feel about them - never should someone we love question their value in our life - and losing chris makes me believe this even more. i'm not saying every conversation needs to be one that matters, but i do think it's important to remind the people we share our life with that they matter...that they are worth more to us than anything else...and to not wait until it's too late to tell them.
i am so thankful for chris...for the difference he has made to my dear friend...for loving her the way he did...for showing her that she is worth that...for his friendship and his genuine kindness. his short life was a gift to many and i feel blessed to have had the privilege of knowing him. i am angry he is gone...there is much i don't understand. i keep thinking back to that friday night in early august when we all went out the last time...we knew he was leaving that week and i remember us talking about when he comes home and telling him to be safe...all the while knowing in the back of our minds there was the possibility he wouldn't, yet never in a million years believing it would happen to him. but it did and now what i keep trying to do is remind k of the blessing she was to him and to take the lesson placed in front of us...don't take one day for granted and if there is someone who makes your life better just by being in it - tell them.
so, my friend...you are missed. your life mattered more than you will ever know. 29 years wasn't enough, but you touched lives and changed hearts in that short amount of time and for that you will always be remembered and loved. and, to all of you reading my words...many of you i know and some of you i will never meet...please keep k in your prayers, please honor chris by taking the time to tell those you love how important they are to you, and please take a moment to remember the men and women serving for all of us - the sacrifice they are making is much greater than dying for their country.
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