the last two nights i have been visited in my dreams by the ghosts of boyfriends past. let me back up, or at least preface this with the fact i rarely dream...i mean, hardly ever...so, for me to have dreams i remember not just one night, but two nights in a row is basically unheard of. okay, back to the story...
on wednesday night i have no idea where i was in my my dream...some random place, and i've decided that doesn't matter. but, in my dream, the ex-amazing boyfriend (honestly, he is far from amazing, but since that was how i had referred to him in the past i'm using that term for relevance) showed up wherever i was and approached me. i appeared uninterested, totally distracted and seemed to do my best to walk away. he followed me and kept trying to talk to me...saying things like he had heard about my new job and had seen my writing and that he was really proud of me and excited for me. i simply said thank you and congratulated him on his marriage...something he totally blew off and showed no interest in discussing. all the while i was moving from place to place, seeming to want nothing to do with him even though he was trying very hard to get my attention and compliment me. i wish i could say there was some big ending, but as is the case with most dreams, it just ended and i woke up. i didn't think too much of it, only that it was weird i had the dream in the first place.
then, on thursday night, i was visited by a guy i had dated for a while last year...never were the boyfriend/girlfriend labels used between us, but for the purpose of this we'll call him that. this dream was very similar...vague, unknown location without anyone else around...he appeared from out of nowhere and approached me saying the same sorts of things. again i blew him off, again i showed no interest, no emotion. again the only real thing i remember saying was a congratulations on his engagement that he disregarded. and, again, it simply ended.
i woke up and literally almost laughed out of the sheer coincidence of it all. i mean, how does that happen? what does it mean? why on earth did i have those dreams? i've thought i was long over both of them, but after telling this story to a couple people, their response was unanimously that i must feel i'm in a really good place and that i'm fully over them and know i'm better off. i agree with that completely for more reasons than what happened in my dreams, but i guess it's good to have a little affirmation. i am happy with where i'm at...there are things i want of course, situations i wish were different, emotions i can't fully express sometimes...but, overall, i'm really good. and, after looking back to this time two years ago, i can easily see just how good i am...and, even better, how much better off i am.
now i'm just wondering who will be ghost number three...
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