one proud mommy

i saw her face, watched her simply beam with pride...she could hardly contain herself, bouncing up and down, clasping her little pink gloved hands as her teacher kneeled in front of her giving her what was evidently good news...

tonight was test night - the night at the end of the six-week session where the teachers/coaches evaluate each skater and determine if they are ready to move up to the next level.  i watched her perform each of her skills and paid attention when her teacher and the program director took note of her skills, pointing and talking behind clipboards so as to not let her know they were watching her.  she could hardly contain herself when she was given her evaluation - glancing often in my direction, grinning from ear to ear - and then she raced off the ice to tell me that not only had she passed them all, every skill she needed to know for level five (the level i wasn't even sure she was ready for when the session began six weeks ago), but also every skill for level six!  she was going straight to seven and couldn't have been happier!  as her teacher came off the ice she walked straight over to me...pointing out over and over again how "naturally" talented morgan is; how quickly she picks up the skills and how much promise she shows.  she said that two other coaches had asked about her and before we left i was approached by both - a coach we have had previously and the program director.  they used the words "talented" and "natural" and...the scariest of all..."national" - as in, we believe she has "national potential".  i say scariest because while i am beyond proud, beyond ecstatic, and extremely flattered as her mom...i am well aware of the commitment that entails - for both of us. 

i heard similar words this time last year...and we kind of played it off, taking a few private lessons to put together a routine for the winter program but going no further.  her coach at that time made it clear that she was good...and because i swear up and down that i'm not THAT kind of mom, i kind of brushed it off believing that while she seemed to be good at skating i wasn't going to push it; but rather, let it be something she simply enjoys unless she really wants to make more of it. 

truth is, i'm not sure how to handle it...it IS a little scary.  this is one of those times i wish i had someone...someone i could talk about this with...someone with whom i could share how proud of her i am...and someone i could talk over the options with...someone who would help me weigh out the right decision...and someone to watch her learn and be proud with me. 

so, tonight i am proud.  tonight i feel extremely blessed.  tonight i also feel...a smidge lonely.  not sad, but just lonely.  you know, for the afore mentioned "someone".  but, proud and blessed take the cake so that's what we're gonna focus on!