consequence. mercy.

life.  not without consequence.  complete with mercy. 

little moments.  that's what my life is made of.  some breathtaking, some heartbreaking.  each one full of something. 

morgan was dancing in the living room the other day...so full of life, so confident and graceful...and i asked her how she knew how to move like that and she said "i feel it, mommy".

she feels it.  breathtaking. 

most heartbreaking moments are the result of miscommunication or the absolute lack there of.  as someone with a degree in communications, i am just about the world's worst when it comes to actually practicing it in my life and relationships.  confrontation?  forget it.  i'm terrified of difficult conversations.  dread facing someone when i've screwed up, and find myself unable to express myself when i feel pressured.

the right words don't get said.  all the wrong ones do.  reality is distorted and nothing close to the truth is heard because emotions get in the way.  this is the heartbreak...the envelope of pain and frustration i am watching all around me it seems.  i am watching some of the people i love the most hurt terribly and there is nothing i can do about it.  much as i'm sure they felt for me at times.  i want to stand between them and somehow fill the huge void with anything other than the distance and hurt, but i can't...because it wouldn't matter.  time is the enemy in many relationships...separating fact from fiction, hope from reality, pleasure from pain.  we pray for understanding and guidance and are often faced with questions and confusion.  we are human.  it is our blessing and our curse.

 
in conversations with friends, we question why it's so hard to get past...the past...why it's so hard to come full circle in our relationships.  is it because once words are put to the frustrations and the pain too much damage has been done and it's irreversible?  are we too far gone when the fight appears to just be beginning?  if these two are true, why do we wait so long to express ourselves?  why do we sit back and allow so much damage to be done?  i know that, for me, it usually is because i either don't want to make a big deal out of something or because i figure it's just me in a funk and it will pass eventually.  but...it doesn't pass...it gets worse, and then there is no going back because it is rarely ever just a funk. 

so, how do we deal with the problems without sacrificing our relationship - or ourselves - and find a way through to the other side - the place where we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to see more than our point of view and give in to the bigger picture? 

how do we get from consequence to mercy?